Someone suggested to me: "When someone proposes an idea -- think and express first, three reasons why the idea is correct. Once that has been realized to its fullness -- then, and only then - put three reasons why it is not a good idea."
I really like when people give me social suggestions like this, and I think my response to what they said will illustrate why. My Response:
Thanks!
I like the idea of expressing three reasons of why someone is correct first. My mind will think, "Oh, they're right!" And then it will think, "But what if they weren't?" And then my mind expounds on possibilities until I find a flaw or a critique, and then I usually end up speaking out with the critique first and then having to amend later, which doesn't come off very well.
I was so often ill throughout my childhood that I had very little interaction with other people besides my parents. Both my parents are critical thinkers who deeply analyze and critique everything, and we never take it personally when we critique each other. When I started trying to break out of the shell and talk to others, it was hard for me to accept that most people take my "devil's advocate" speeches the wrong way, and take my "constructive criticism" as attacks.
I literally pushed everyone that came into my life right back out of it for years because I just didn't know how to interact with people. Also, constantly having to cancel things because I didn't feel well made people think I was flaky. Often my lack of time (due to being tired, ill, depressed and easily stressed) caused me to spend very little time with the few people who did accept me and my oddities, which meant I never got close enough to anyone for them to know me well enough to understand where I was coming from.
Then, when I finally started healing by eliminating toxins from my diet I became this loud-mouthed advocate for removing things like corn syrup from the diet, and people ran for the hills. Of course, a few people benefited from my lectures, but for the most part, it made it difficult to get to know anybody.
In other words, I've just had my 22nd birthday (and I've been married for a little over six months now), but despite my articulate speech, my vast wealth of creativity, and my array of seemingly-random knowledge, I'm still a fledgling at human interaction with "society." I actually spend a great deal of time thinking about my interactions with people after the fact, running over everything I said and every small reaction -- facial reactions, body language, tone of voice, word choice, etc -- trying to figure out if I put the person off at any point, and if I did, how I could of avoided it.
Insanely, I'm often still thinking about interactions I had with someone days, weeks and even months later, puzzling out better ways to communicate without offending. Once I've put someone on the defensive, they stop listening and just keep defending and searching for reasons to believe what they already believe. I can't help someone who feels the need to defend themselves from me.
In other words, I find social interactions often puzzling, but I'm driven to motivate, inspire and help others, so I'm willing to puzzle, puzzle, puzzle until I have it right. I aspire to being one of those charismatic people that you love being around and wish you had in your life on a daily basis. I suppose I can't be that person for everyone, because to be charismatic to most, you probably have to put some percentage of people off... Just a temporary theory anyway.
Okay. Compliment people (and their ideas) first -- not once, not twice, but three times. Got it -- I hope.
Thank you!
~ Raederle Phoenix
I really like when people give me social suggestions like this, and I think my response to what they said will illustrate why. My Response:
Thanks!
I like the idea of expressing three reasons of why someone is correct first. My mind will think, "Oh, they're right!" And then it will think, "But what if they weren't?" And then my mind expounds on possibilities until I find a flaw or a critique, and then I usually end up speaking out with the critique first and then having to amend later, which doesn't come off very well.
I was so often ill throughout my childhood that I had very little interaction with other people besides my parents. Both my parents are critical thinkers who deeply analyze and critique everything, and we never take it personally when we critique each other. When I started trying to break out of the shell and talk to others, it was hard for me to accept that most people take my "devil's advocate" speeches the wrong way, and take my "constructive criticism" as attacks.
I literally pushed everyone that came into my life right back out of it for years because I just didn't know how to interact with people. Also, constantly having to cancel things because I didn't feel well made people think I was flaky. Often my lack of time (due to being tired, ill, depressed and easily stressed) caused me to spend very little time with the few people who did accept me and my oddities, which meant I never got close enough to anyone for them to know me well enough to understand where I was coming from.
Then, when I finally started healing by eliminating toxins from my diet I became this loud-mouthed advocate for removing things like corn syrup from the diet, and people ran for the hills. Of course, a few people benefited from my lectures, but for the most part, it made it difficult to get to know anybody.
In other words, I've just had my 22nd birthday (and I've been married for a little over six months now), but despite my articulate speech, my vast wealth of creativity, and my array of seemingly-random knowledge, I'm still a fledgling at human interaction with "society." I actually spend a great deal of time thinking about my interactions with people after the fact, running over everything I said and every small reaction -- facial reactions, body language, tone of voice, word choice, etc -- trying to figure out if I put the person off at any point, and if I did, how I could of avoided it.
Insanely, I'm often still thinking about interactions I had with someone days, weeks and even months later, puzzling out better ways to communicate without offending. Once I've put someone on the defensive, they stop listening and just keep defending and searching for reasons to believe what they already believe. I can't help someone who feels the need to defend themselves from me.
In other words, I find social interactions often puzzling, but I'm driven to motivate, inspire and help others, so I'm willing to puzzle, puzzle, puzzle until I have it right. I aspire to being one of those charismatic people that you love being around and wish you had in your life on a daily basis. I suppose I can't be that person for everyone, because to be charismatic to most, you probably have to put some percentage of people off... Just a temporary theory anyway.
Okay. Compliment people (and their ideas) first -- not once, not twice, but three times. Got it -- I hope.
Thank you!
~ Raederle Phoenix
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